The other day I found out that my grandmother has Alzheimer's. I cried a lot. She has always been a part of my life and with this new discovery I know that it is going to end. It breaks my heart because I am 30 and always have had her so I thought she would never die. Her or my grandpa.
Even though she has not always been the nicest person to me she has been the nicest out of my family. She stood by me when no one else did. She and my grandpa did so much for me. I could never repay them. Though I do try. I feel really bad because the past 4 yrs (since I have been married) my son and I have not seen much of them. Before I got married we seen them several times a week. So, my son does not remember that much of them. It really saddens me. I want to go visit them but cash is not something we have a lot of right now. So, I am trying to wait sometime. But, I need to see her. I do not think my husband really understands that. He just said no that we cannot go but I am afraid that if I do not go I will regret it for the rest of my life because I have all of this guilt. Guilt from not seeing her for almost 2 yrs and not doing more to take care of them. Maybe it is that I am feeling guilty for living my own life. I do not know but I do know that I love them and I want know that I did something to help make her life better when she needed it most. I guess I will wait a little longer until the right time. Has anyone else had this problem?
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I'm sorry your grandmother has Alzheimer's. My mother suffered with it and it's a horrible disease.
It's perfectly normal for you to "go and live your own life" as you put it. That's what you should do--be a married woman with a child and build your life. On some level, your grandmother knows this.
(I hope you don't mind my "motherly advice, it's meant to help)
Realize that not going to see her physically doesn't mean you can't have some heart to heart talks right where you are.
Even if you travel and spend all that money, it doesn't mean you won't still struggle with guilt and regret. Choose to let that go.
Your grandmother wouldn't want that.
You might get over there and she not know you--would you feel "whole" or would that make you feel as if you were too late, as if your trip were in vain?
I'm not saying don't go--just don't pin all your hopes on it will make you feel better. It might not. Feeling at peace about your situation has to come from you, not circumstances.
On a deeper level, trust that she knows that you care for her.
This is what I learned caring for my mom--I struggled with guilt at times, and I had to learn to let go of trying to "fix" things. I had to love us just as we were--and know that we're at peace with one another.
I wish you well.
~Carol D. O'Dell
Author of Motheirng Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir
available on Amazon
www.mothering-mother.com
Family advisor at www.Caring.com
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